you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
