weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
