Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
