New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
