is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she looked like the before picture.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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