lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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