i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Drunk is not a location!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
