I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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