a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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