I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
