I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
