i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
