I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
