I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
