I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
