he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
