My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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