I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
zippers are such a cool invention
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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