and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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