Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
