I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My ATM looks so different sober.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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