I seem to have left my pride at pride
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize