My liver just broke up with me...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
