Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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