Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
