you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
