I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize