Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
