We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize