Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
