He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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