the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
