She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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