Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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