And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
