What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
