I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i dont even know how to be here
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
