Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
