we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
