You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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