Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize