If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize