Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
