omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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