umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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