her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
