names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
