Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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