I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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