for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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