I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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