i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
