my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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