I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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