dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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