Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
