Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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