hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
