sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
