Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
