Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
