Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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