What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
