that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
