Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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