His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
