the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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