Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
