nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
