dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
