Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
