i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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