I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
