hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
