Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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