How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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